What I couldn't say... In memory of Lorenzo Patrick Jr.

February 8th 2014 Lorenzo Guy Patrick Jr. aka Kwabena Shango left his suffering and spread his  light across the universe.

My big brother died.

After half a decade he succumbed to ALS.

At his funeral I wanted to speak but I could not.  Even now I know I have not resolved the loss.  I had time and preparation but no realization of what this would feel like. I told myself I would post a blog to his memory and say the things i wanted needed desired to say but was unable.  And show how he was an inspiration in my life and in my art.

His spirit struck me this week as I was going through life shit and he said,

"Stop Bitchin' and just do it!"

I heard his voice clearly.  The advice related to something else but also it was always his general response to my self-doubt and procrastination.

Thank you Lo.  This is what you meant to me....

Sooooooo.......

  I wrote this over a year ago and never published it.  Been through a gang of of ish since then but I'm trying to get back to me so I'll begin my revisiting ti this blog with this old entry.  Also I must add I lost my father this year as well as getting remarried.   So alot.  I want to get lost in creating and writing and my family. Wish me luck and look for content soon.  Because life in my forties is something else...



     Reading List:  Antiquity- LA Crime Novel by Darrin Hackett.  A first novel from an old and very creative friend.
     Music List:   nothing right now... music has just been background noise lately....
     Movie/Television List:   Thomas and Friends, Word girl, Daniel Tigers Neighborhood... my toddler son controls a lot of my TV watching these days.

  

Adventures In and Out of Boxes: HOD. Page Nine

LOGOS

On a personal level this is the process of individuation. But what shall we make of our collective efforts at differentiation? What are the consequences of our collective struggle? Carl Jung says:

“The paternal principle, the Logos,… eternally struggles to extricate itself from the primal warmth and primal darkness of the maternal womb; in a word, from unconsciousness.” (ibid)

Jung associates the paternal principle with Logos, and Logos with ‘divine curiosity.’ This divine curiosity seeks the evolution of consciousness, bringing forth the potential and possibility of human awareness. Jung says,

“Divine curiosity yearns to be born and does not shrink from conflict, suffering, or sin.” (ibid)

from:
http://pathofsoul.org/2013/05/21/our-battle-with-sacred-mother/

 

 

 

I am not trying to turn this into a pretentious artist's guide to simplified Jungian ideology.  What is happening is discovery of meaning in response to experienced phenomena.  (Okay maybe a little pretentious...) In all honesty I have intentions when these images are drawn but deeper understanding occurs in reflection.  My desire for a healthy anima demanded a strong sense of self.  During the time of my separation and divorce I crawled into a cave(as I am want to do) and addressed the basic necessities to maintain or reconstruct my sanity. 

 

What shall we use
To fill the empty spaces
Where we used to talk?
How shall I fill the final places?
How should I complete the wall
-EmptySpaces

by Pink Floyd

*with thanks to my college roommate Bill and his love for Pink Floyd that he passed on to me.

 

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
-Ice Box

by Omarion

*with apologies cause I love some pop songs without reason.

 

 

I put down some things and some people that weren't moving me forward looked at how much stock I put in others evaluations of me.  I accidently realized I got FREE.  I found out what FREE meant and how much responsibility it is.  Still working on that.  So once again I end in meditation and work towards another realization.   

 

 

 

 

Reading List:            Anything drawn by Stuart Immonen, Olivier Coipel & Carlos Pacheco.  

                                 Trying to learn how to draw some dynamic superhero shit.

                                  

 

 

Listening List:         WordBallon Podcast: Most recent Bendis tapes. 1/14/2014.

                                On Being Podcast: Patrick Bellegarde-Smith on Living Voudou.    1/9/2014.

                                Paper Wings Podcast: Interview with Marvel studios storyboard artist

                                 Justin Copeland.  PWP#23, 11/13/2012.

                                 5'o'clock. T-pain.

 

Watching List:        House of Cards Trilogy(UK): Part 3: The Final Cut. WOW. Please check it out

                                on Netflix.

                                Army Wives: Season 5&6.  Guilty pleasure.

                                Firefly. Season One.  Studying Whedon...And no Sigler I am not watching Buffy

                                or Angel... I just ain't doing it yet.

                                Tudors. Season One.  Nice and Ribald! Weird seeing the Man of Steel getting

                                 freaky!

                           



Adventures In and Out of Boxes: HOD. Page Eight.

 

INDIVIDUATION

Individuation is a process of transformation whereby the personal and collective unconscious are brought into consciousness (e.g., by means of dreams, active imagination, or free association) to be assimilated into the whole personality. It is a completely natural process necessary for the integration of the psyche. Individuation has a holistic healing effect on the person, both mentally and physically

-from: Jung, C.G. (1962). Symbols of Transformation: An Analysis of the Prelude to a Case of Schizophrenia (vol. 2). New York: Harper & Brothers.

 

 

How the harmonizing of conscious and unconscious data is to be undertaken cannot be indicated in the form of a recipe.

 

-from: Jung, C.G. (1959) The Archetypes and the Collective Unconsciousness. Chapter VI: Conscious, Unconscious, and Individuation.  Princeton University Press.

 

 

      I found Jung through storytelling and mythology.  My psychology leanings are apparent as well.  But his work was about getting healthy.  Getting over it.  After reading Possessing the Secret of Joy by Alice Walker he became even more important to my journey.  Symbols become bookmarks from larger more important ideas.  A way to represent them without making there mysteries too concrete or literal.  That is why I make sequential art.  To get healthy and maintain the mystery. 

   These pages for Hod came almost straight from the sketchbook.  Copied then inked so they are a more organic and fluid than the Who am I? pages. 


Reading List:       The Archetypes and the Collective Consciousness.  C.G. Jung
                             Valis. Phillip K. Dick.
                             The LeRoi Jones/Amiri Baraka Reader. Amiri Baraka. edited by William
                             J. Harris.
                            

Listening List:     Studio 360 Podcast: Leonardo DiCaprio & Ben Stiller.
                            

Watching List:     Army Wives.  Season Four.
                             Battle Beyond the Planets.
                             DeathRace 2000.
                             12 Monkeys. 
        

In and Out of Boxes: HOD. Page Seven.

 

     I wanted to destroy my EGO.  In all my pseudo-intellectual philosophizing, I did not know how much it hurt.  I did not know how attached I had become to my life as it was...

I did not know until I watched it unravel with an audience of my family, friends and associates.  I was so consumed by embarrassment I did not realize what was happening:

CHANGE.

NECESSARY CHANGE.

 When you build something its hard to accept its flaws.  Investing your success and worth with the success of this "THING", well its disintegration becomes confusing.  I thought the death of my "CREATION" was the death of me.  But in the wake of this Apocalypse I opened my eyes to the wasteland and found that

LIFE

GOES

ON.

So slowly, surely I continued living.

Like John Carter said, " I still live."

So I decided to LIVE.

 

  

Reading List:             Unity (the original by Valiant comics) Collected trades I II &IV.(can't 

                                   find book III...somewhere in my boxes.)

                                   V for Vendetta.  Moore and Lloyd.  Time and maturity have improved my

                                    understanding and enjoyment of it.

                                   Lamentations. Old Testament

Listening List:           Podcast On Being Unedited - Walter Brueggemann with Krista Tippett

                                  Kind of Blue. Miles Davis.

                                  Time will tell. Bob Marley.

                                  Forest. George Winston

                                  Royal. Lorde

                                   

Watching List:         Star Trek Enterprise. Season Three.

                                 Anna Lucasta.

                                 Speed Racer.

                                 Ken Burns JAZZ. Episode 8 Risk.



Adventures In & Out of Boxes: HOD. Page Six.

from: http://www.inner.org/sefirot/sefhod.htm

 

Hod is the eighth of the ten sefirot, and the fifth of the emotive attributes within Creation.

 

Hod is associated in the soul with the power to continually advance, with the determination and perseverance born of deep inner commitment, toward the realization of one's life goals. The acknowledgment of a supreme purpose in life, and the total submission of self which it inspires, serve to endow the source of one's inspiration with an aura of splendor and majesty. Hence the word hod connotes both "acknowledgment" (hoda'ah) and "splendor," in the sense of an aura-like "reverberation" (hed) of light.

 

 

 

        This part is about recovery.  What 2011-2012 was all about. The act of waking up by day.

The acceptance of what is outside of you affects but does not define what is inside of you.  The rediscovery of Self and what is important:

 

TELLIN' STORIES!

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR.  MAKE EACH DAY YOURS!

 

 

 Reading List:          The Gospel of Thomas from the Nag Hammadi Library.

                                 Flex Mentallo: Man of Muscle Mystery by Grant Morrison & Frank Quitley.

                        

 

Music List:               Bob Marley

                                 James Taylor

                                 Allure by Jay-Z.

 

TV& Movie List:     Star Trek Enterprise. Season Three.

                                 Coffy.

                                 Truck Turner

                                     

Adventures In & Out of Boxes: TRANSITION.

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you
Help me
I broke apart my insides
Help me
I've got no soul to sell
Help me
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself...

 

You bring me closer to God- Nine Inch Nails

 

 

Reflecting on Pain, Regret, and Escape.

Looking for an exit from Chaos and Disrespect.

There is none.

There is no Escape-

only Completion.

 

 

      I tried to complete this story to separate and lay to rest what is Past.  To take advantage of NOW.  I embraced and exhausted the Physical, until all that was not Divine would fall away.

      Striding through a world of panels; jumping in and out of boxes, on the carnal Altar I discovered the power within.  When there is nothing else to fill you appetites you find the vast potential of NO-thing.  Past drunken Bacchanalia and misty smoke outs there occurred an awakening.  There is joy in the Party and pleasure in the afterParty but the awakening is transformative and redemptive. 

 

 

 



Down here on the ground

ain't no place for living

Down here on the ground

Watching the sparrows fly

I watch the birds

As they make their wings

Flying solid free

How I wish it were me

But I'm down here on the ground

And I'm wanting something better

I'm down here on the ground

Wanting something more

One morning soon

You will find

Some wings on my mind

To take me high

So if you hear a sound

From down here on the ground

Don't you know?

It's only me trying to fly- George Benson

 

 

      Down here on the ground there is nowhere to go but up.  The fair forms that offer distraction and release fall away leading to a higher Adoration.  But first the right Companion must be found.  It takes stumbles and hard lessons to realize: to learn from being wrong you have to accept Responsibility for the Wrong...

 

 

Reading List:  AvsX.  Bendis-Brewbaker-Fraction & various artist.

                       Avengers Forever.  Busiek-Pacheco-Merino

                       Bridgeman's Complete Guide to Drawing from Life. George B. Bridgeman

 

Music List:  Bob Marley Radio on Pandora.com

                     Drops of Jupiter- Train

                     

 

Movie/Television List:  Thor: the Dark World

                                       The Directors: Spike Lee

                                       The Seven Samurai- Kurosawa

                                        Star Trek Voyager. Season One  

Adventures In & Out of Boxes: Who Am I? Page Five.

There is magic in the carnal world.

 

The freeing of pent up physical energies can open the doors of perception. 

Or maybe that's my liberal arts education talking. 

To quote an old pimp the only thing better than old ----- is new -----. 

Fill that in with whatever you want.

 

 

 

 

This story was always intended to have a soundtrack. 

This page is inspired by

Gut Bucket Blues,

 Southern Hood hip-hop,

Violin Adagios,

 Pink Floyd Animals

 and

Vintage Al Green.